I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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