my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize