yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
