Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
