i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
