I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize