i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
