I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
