I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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