Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
