garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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