Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
