Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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