He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
