Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize