dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
