Already got asked if we're dating
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
