I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
