so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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