The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
