Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
