I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
