All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Drake has all the answers
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
