im having a threesome with these popsicles
you traded sex for a burrito?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What a dumb baby whore.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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