Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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