Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
