So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
