did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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