nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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