i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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