I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
