Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
