What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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