So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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