thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
