I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
