if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
