It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
