she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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