wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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