barbara walters just said penis...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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