We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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