haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
