I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
