were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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