dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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