She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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