Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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