i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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