I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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