my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm both gender and math confused
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
