had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You took a bar mat shot.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
