dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
