I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
