The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So much Jack, so little girl.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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