My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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