Got a toothbrush?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
