meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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