My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
