4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i think my tv is drunk
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
