I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
