dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
