Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Green mimosas i think yes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
