So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
