I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
