i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
