Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
