I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
