Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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