Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
