so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
