I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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