there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
