Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
