I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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