dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
