Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
