Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
