Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
