i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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