I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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