remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
