ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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